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Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Water dripping down my face. Tasting the saltiness down my mouth. It's nothing new. I can't see and everything's a blur. I close my eyes. Try to get my breath back, stop sobbing. But it's a failed attempt. The sobs came back, harder this time, stronger. I'm fighting for air. But it feels like I'm fighting for my life. My heart beat's got out of tempo, uncontrolled. Am I so weak? Why? I don't know. These tears, what am I crying for? They say, the sun and moon are bright. But they don't shine for me. Is it the same for all? This sadness? That dwells within us, like a neverending sickness. When you have everything, your dear family and friends, yet, do you ever feel so lonely at times? But am I being selfish that way? Is it such a brutal way of thinking? I'm weaker than anyone thinks. For that matter, all humans are naturally weak. When your mind tells you to give up, but your heart tells you to stay strong. When your mind tells you to stop, but your heart just keeps going on. Some say, our minds and hearts are connected in a special way. But the mind is just the mind. And the heart is just the heart. They can either be as one, or just betray each other. When you're trying to reach out for something, no matter how much you stretch your hands, you can never reach it. When you desperately wants someone to understand you, your pain, but no one can. And when you truthfully wants to understand someone, his/her pain, but you just can't. When you're pleading for someone's attention, your voice trying to reach them. But you're just completely unheard, ignored and neglected. When you're surrounded by the ones you love, yet you still feel so separated. These feelings, they might be little, but they hurts a darn lot. Are we all just alone? Imagine, everyone is somehow stuck on their own little deserted island. With no guidance, no one at all. Just you, yourself and you. Only depending on hope and faith. The only thing that makes you go on. But wanting to find a way out of this deserted island. You swim out to the open dangerous sea. Knowing that you may never come back to the only place you can ever feel safe. Swim out with all your might. And when the storm came, you hold on tight. But the strong currents pushes you away. Break away from the little thing called faith. With helplessness in your eyes, will you ever make it through this storm? No one leads a problem-free life. They say happiness isn't forever. But sadness last a lifetime. Even knowing that, even if our wishes didn't come true, can we ever feel a tiny bit of true happiness? Will I ever? I want.. to smile knowing, believing that everything will be alright. To go forward, believing that there's someone beside me. To run with all my might, without have my lungs to plead for air and my heart screaming in pain. I want to feel that little bit of true happiness. Though I know that it isn't forever. Will there be a light at the end of the tunnel? |
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